Unfinished Songs

Basic Summary
"Half-human Cal Leandros and his brother, Niko, are barely getting by with their preternatural detective agency when the vampire Seamus hires them. He's being followed, and he wants to know by whom. But the Leandros brothers have to do more than they had planned when Seamus turns up dead (or un-undead).

"Worse still is the return of Cal's nightmarish family, the Auphe. The last time Cal and Niko faced them, the Auphe were almot wiped out. Now they want revenge. al knows that before the Auphe get to him, they will try to destroy everything and everyone he holds dear. Because for the Auphe, Cal's pain is a pleasure.

"And They're feeling good."

Total Opinion: 4.7 / 5
Characterizations: ☼☼☼☼• (4.75)
Settings: ☼☼☼☼• (4)
Discriptions: ☼☼☼☼• (4.5)
Story: ☼☼☼☼☼ (5)
Pacing: ☼☼☼☼☼ (5)
Story Conclusion: ☼☼☼☼☼ (4.9)
Suggestable for others to read? - Yes / No

Review Finalé
How does a female writer go three books convincing readers without even trying that she is a male? It's not like RobYN Thurman tried that hard. In the third book she revealed her actual name, and in Trick of Light her picture was featured on the back cover. Still, it took until Trick of Light's release for it to finally sink in that the man I admired was actaully an incredibly talented woman. So thus begs the question: why did it take me until her featurette on the back of Trick of Light to realize that I was reading the writing of a fellow female?

Simple. It's all about the portrayal of her characters. The stories I've read by her - Nightlife, Moonshine, Madhouse, and now Deathwish - were all writen from a 1st person point of view of your primary character Caliban 'Cal' Leandros. So well done was his characterization that I could never imagine a writer of the opposite gender being able to replicate his dialog with such ease without being male themselves. Thurman is a woman, though, and knowing that makes me admire her all the more. Cal is imperfect. Cal does stupid things. Cal has quirks and twitches. And the best part is Cal fucks up every once in a while and doesn't always magically handle with ease the consequinces of the fuck up. It makes him real in a world where stories mostly involve perfect girls area always falling in love with supernatural boys. The character interactions are smooth, never fail, and even in Deathwish where I got to see her switch POVs back and forth between Cal and his brother Niko Leandros.

It's refreshing to see something so refined after the Mary Sue of Bella Swan in Twilight. Now no one is allowed to be hating on that comment. Decent book, but Bella Swan is a Mary Sue - a too perfect character that is underdeveloped enough that the reader can step into her shoes with their present storyline knowledge and still not damage. That's possible because with most Mary Sue style characters it is the rest of the cast in the story that help move the dialog along (at least in my experience).

Deathwish explored one of my favorit places to be taken to as I read: the human mind under dire circumstances. What does a person think when thrown out of a car? What abuse can drive one over the edge so far that they are almost lost forever even if someone they care for is right beside them? How angry will a person become when something they treasure is almost taken away because they trusted or were made to truste someone that betrayed them? Deathwish goes into all this and more, and seeing the mind, the characters mind, is something that is best done with the 1st person POV. Yes, that POV is limiting, but for the "Cal Leadros Series" and even for Deathwish with the alternating POV it works. The characters never cross over their set personality thresholds and blur like in some stories where multipule POVs are used.

The only quirk I have with the story is it felt really full. There was alot going on, but then agian it was a big finalé to the Auphe Arc of the storyline and the original end of the series. It makes me more than pleased to know that thanks to fan demand there will be at least three more books - starting with Roadkill - that will be released in March of next year. It's been a long time since I've been on the edge of my seat waiting eagerly for the next book of a series to come out, and I plan to savor this anticipation with the joys of a masochist.

As we all grow older changes occure in our bodies. We may gain weight easier, build muscle less, or find we enjoy the taste of something that in our youth had once upon a time been the bane of our existence. There are also the more serious things, such as finding there is something genetically wrong with you, the discovery of cancer, or a malformity in a leg finally giving out with the need for a joint to be replaced.

The first thing that came to me as I grew older, leaving my teen years behind for my adult ones was my weather headachs. I'm highly sensitive to air preassure changes that follow rains and heat or cold waves, and a headache developes from each one, making me dependent on tylonal whenever the transition from one to the other is too quick for my body to withstand. That is older news though. I've had them for several years now (about 6 years), and I've grown used to them.

This new development involving my hands is most painful and has me a little scared. It seems that when it gets extremely cold or the weather fluctuates violently like it did a few days ago, shifting from 20ºF weather up to 50ºF weather then back to 20ºF in the span of four days that my hands swell and stiffen much like my grandmother's and my mother's do with their arthritis. I know it's rare to get it so young, and I'm hoping it's just from the ammount of school work, but the lack of mobility and grip is often frightening. Even now my fingers feel like I'm wearing light gloves as I share my thoughts, and at work I'm always dropping things I thought I had hold of. The saddest thing is I have to hope it's nothing. I don't have health insurence and can't afford another debt with my present pay. I know some have it worse than I, but that doesn't make it any less frightening. Losing this ammount of use in my hands is not an option.

So I took a big step in my writing. A very big step. For the first time since I first became fascinated with persuing this as a career I have submitted my writing not to the mercy of a fanbase, but to an actually sanctioned competition that will give me a publication credit and a touch of money. It's a school wide contest, but based on the entries chosen the magazine can enter into other writing competitions as well. The 2009 edition won 2nd place within the Southern division in the Community College Humanities Association Anual Literary Magazine Competition (yes, it's a mouthful).

I'm scared and a little excited. Perhaps it was writing for Literotica some that gave me the confidence. It's one thing to write fanfiction. Fans of the series will be drawn to the story based on which fandom it is from, and then will critique based on what they think and what they interprit. Offering original works is something that people go into blind. Ironic that an erotic literature writing site is what gave me confidence and not the fandom base. Perhaps it's because what I offered them where things I made myself, not crafted out of another's idea and fashioned with a new story within the boundaries of an already existing storyline. They liked my writing for my writing alone, not because of the fandom the writing was based in. Not to bash fandom or anything. I love fanficiton as much as the next self-proclaimed American Otaku. However, there is something more in getting comments on works made from only my own creativity instead of from characters that are handed to me who already have their backstories, personalities, and what not.

It's probably in thanks to Rob Thurman, too. A new writer in the field of modern dark fantasy, Thurman gave me inspiration. Thurman's writing isn't all about vampires, werewolves, sex, sex, sex, and, oh, did I mention sex? But no. It is the wonderful energetic and emotional plot that keeps the story moving. I know for a long time my view of writing got skewed because of what was being published. For a while I began to think that all stories were simply literary pornography tied with a pretty red ribbon called a plot. Thurman showed me that creative and wonderful writing can be as successful as the smut fest that many paranormal literature books are in present time.

So wish me luck! I'll be working on some submissions for other places next, but that has to wait a bit until after finals. Another thing I'll need luck on, too. Ugh. School. But it is so very much worth every bit of pain and stress it has given me!

So... some know I've recently picked up Aion: the Tower of Eternity. Some of course do not. I rarely talk about my gaming here anymore, but I think that's mostly because I miss FFXI but simply lack the time to dedicate to playing it how I used to anymore. I actually shouldn't even be posting right now with so much remaining homework waiting for me but that's the way things go. I can't do it incessantly or I will drive myself even more insane than I already am. I already suffered through a bout of self-pity depression last night from the stress, so I should be good to go. Now if only there was soda in the house...

Anyway, a touch about Aion. This was a while back when I was LV31 and I was hunting arond a spring in the Elten Desert when I see an Asmodian (the opposing faction). There had been a slew of gank parties going through the area and seeing that they were Rank 4 (I was only Rank 7 at the time. The lower the number Rank the better at PvP the person is because of collected points) I simply planned to keep tabs on them. The chick was a Ranger, and as such stealthed when she saw me. Assuming that she was coming after me I glanced my map and saw that if I looped around into the desert using a running speed scroll then came back their stealth should have worn off by then and I'd be in safe range to avoid being slaughtered.

As I continued to keep tabs on the Ranger doing this I realized that she kept running away from me when she saw me. It made no sense to me, so on a whim when I did another loop, following the wall because apparently she hadn't figured out I'd been looping out to avoid her seeing me then looping back in when I knew her stealth should be dropping, I went in for the kill.

She tried to run away! Now that was odd... so I pursued. I kept her rooted when my combos went down and healed myself whenever she tried to enfeeble me. In the end I actually beat her.

Wait... she's Rank 4! How did I beat her? At the time I just thought it was bad gear and that I was lucky that I had won. That is, I thought that until last night when I logged onto Aion Online and saw a comment left on my character.

"This person may be using 3rd person software. They saw through my stealth over 30 meters away."

This is weeks later and the comment puzzled me, so I took a look at the person and it was a while before it hit me that the LV32 Rank 4 Ranger was the same one I'd tracked through the dessert using basic tactics. Of course I did the adult thing, and deleted the comment and didn't rise to the bait. Why should I grace her with a conversation when she was so butt hurt over me beating her using my brain that she had nothing better to do than to accuse me of cheating?

The incident got me thinking. She is Rank 4 with well over 400 kills. I am Rank 6 with 70 something kills. Apparently, what she had been doing was jumping through the Rift to the Elyos (my faction) side of the world, then using the stealth to sneak to the area close the fortress and also the area where lower levels get their exp and ganking to pump up her rank and her PvP points. It's pretty clear to me at this point that Elyos avoid PvP quite religiously, but it made me wonder another thing. I don't get butt hurt like she did when someone beats me. Good for them. I'll learn from how they killed me and move on and apply the same to them at a later time. If many other Elyos think this way... if many others have the same kind of stratigic none-rage-qq-more thinking... just what could we do if we decided to seriously enter into PvP?

It'd be interesting, that's for sure! Perhaps I'll have the oprotunity to find out~♪

So much homework. So much study. Right now it is extremely overwhelming. I know I can't get it done, but still I work and work, taking short breaks before starting again. Working and school is so hard. I'm seriously thinking about giving up my possition at work and going back to a bookseller just so I can have time. I know school will be out soon but it's still very hard.

Anyway, as I said, I have alot of to do. I need to get back to it if I wanna even have a symbolance of completion. Hopefully I can post something more cheerful in the future.

NaNoWriMo is going good. So far I've managed to be ahead of the basic word count goal, be it alot or a little, though at this point in time it's just a little, hee hee~

One thing that stopped me before was as I wrote I realized certain points in the plot wouldn't work and I would have to go back and change them. That also required editing to make the new plot fit, took out words as well as added, and left me floating at a midpoint of word count that wouldn't grow anymore. Instead of doing that, I'm keeping notes on what I want to change and going ahead and writing as though I've made those changes. There will be plenty of time to edit later, but I've found doubling back over and over to do that has caused my stories, especially my long ones, on many occasions to die or go into hibernation for extreme periods of time.

There's also the general pointer of keeping notes about characters, places, the history you introduce into your story, and what not. Instead of giving the whole backstory, as I've thought of it I noted it in a seperate file so that it wouldn't outwiegh the story I want to create. I'm writing to tell about Dynamis' life, not about the political technicalities of Dios Cathedral or the time between WWIII and WWIV. Despite that, some parts of my character naratives are lengthy since NaNoWriMo without an outline is nothing but a giant freewriting exercise.

Anyway, more writing to do. I'm up to 23K words so far, and I would love ot hit the midpoint today, since tomorrow I'm going to have very little free time to spend writing.

I am completely mentally spent today. Yesterday I had a really hard time, and a friend of mine was kind enough to lend me her shoulder while I poured my heart and my tears out that had been building up from my supressed emotions for weeks. School has been difficult this time, and part of that is my own fault for not dedicating myself nearly as much as I should. However, not all the fault is with me, since outside factors such as stress, anger, work, family, and a merade of others tend to like to assist in this.

You'll also have to excuse the extreme proper use of wording in this entry. After so much study it's hard to speak, much less write in my usual casual slang.

I think my mind has shut down for the day. After recovering from my bout of mental pain and anxiety yesterday I buckled down and have studied pretty much since I woke up until now, with food breaks, a shower, and an hour break worked into the time. I've done so much, but feel so far behind. It's hard. Very hard, but I have to keep going, to perserve, as I often say to myself.

I'm tired though, so I won't linger here much longer than to provide this update. See everyone another time, another place, but you know it's probably going to be here.

It's here, it's here, and day four of it is here. NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writers' Month. Some praise it. Some long for it. Some call it insanity. There are those that don't understand the hype, the drama, the strain, and the triumphs. 50,000 words? Will they publish it? Do you win anything? What? A T-shift? HAHAHA!

Shut up, troll. It's more than that.

For writers like me and many others out there, it is a time to put our writing skills to the test. Some professional writers have years to work to put out their masterpieces, to type them down and submit them. Amatures see this, and imitation is the greatest form of flattery, so we think we have all the time in the world. The thing is that those famus writers that we so admire already have what is called 'a platform'. They have a solid reader base, know where their writing is going to go, and are known and praised or hated in their many circles of reviewers. Amatures? HAHA! Good luck. Really, you need it, because most big publishers only take 10% new submissions or less. I know this year Del Ray has changed its statistics to 2% new writers, and that's WITH an agent.

So what does this have to do with NaNoWriMo? Everything, my friend. Everything. Ask anyone and they will tell you that getting just that first book writen is over half the battle. You find many books about how to approch publishers, where to seek out publishers, and what not, but what about the writing? Make an outline? I hate outlines (so... you don't even know your own ending?). Free write? I can't write without a plan (that's an outline, moron!). Getting yourself known? I don't want to write anything unless I'm paid (dummy!).

The point of NaNoWriMo is to get you off your ass and get writing. That is the whole deal. If you succeed, they even give you a cookie, and they are even getting sponsers who will help you sell your book. NaNoWriMo is our challenge, our monthly challenge for us amatures that are still building our own platforms for the big moment we reach for the stars and make that first submission to an agent or publishing agency. A nonewriter may not understand, but you don't have to. Support your WriMo friend. Offer incouragement. Because writing 50,000 words is a whole lot harder than it sounds.

Let's see you write a 70+ page story.

NOTE: I'll spellcheck this after class. Lecture is starting! Please excuse any errors for the time being.

And for once it wasn't me. Such an interesting intro back into LJ life, but either way, this was shocking and frightening both at the same time.

I was driving to school, as per usual, and taking the back road along the side of the mountain because doing so let me dodge the elementary school's zone and I could jump onto the highway afterwards. However, as I came around a turn I saw an SUV, deep blackish green, sitting in the middle of the road. (Sorry, but I don't know car designs, so you'll just have to deal with my vague description. I can tell you it wasn't new but wasn't old. One of the fairly new used car looks.) When I saw the small head bobbing in the back of the seat I thought, 'Oh, her kid is acting up. But wait... if he's that tall why isn't he in school? Fall break here is over.'

Then I see her hold up a cell phone. I roll my eyes, because earlier that week I had been stuck behind an idiot teen as she busily texted while sitting in the middle of the road at a blind curve where I couldn't pass her. I ended up having to anyway because she was taking all my aloted travel time for me to go to work.

But anyway, just as I was assuming an adult was being a teeenybopper she skids and slams her breaks. My eyes bug out and I'm going... 'WTF...?' Then she speeds.

That's when I see the guy walking along the side of the road.

That's when she veered her car.

And that's when she ran over the guy.

Clearly on purpose!

So after my freak out and she speeds away I pull up to the guy who temporarily graced her windshield as he was picking himself up and rolled down my window, asking, "Wow, are you alright?!" Unfortunatly I couldn't find my cell phone before I went out, so if he needed me to call 911 we would have to hit one of the houses along the road.

"Yeah. It's my wife. She's mad I got to go back to jail."

"Oh. Okay. But are you sure you'll be alright?" I ask again just to be sure he doesn't want me to go with him to a house to call the police.

"Yeah, we'll work it out. Thanks, young lady."

I've seen alot of fights in my day, been a part of a few arguments, but that is the first time I saw a woman trying to text on a cell phone in an SUV with her kid in the backseat trying to run over said kid's father. It was rather irrisponsible, if not quite stupid, on her part to allow her child to witness her trying to kill his parent. It was a bit scary continuing on the road and seeing her up a ways speeding in a loop to turn around and gunning it back to the guy. Without a phone what could I do? I have no fight training or mediation training. I could quite possibly make things worse. If I'd had my phone I'd call the police, but that would mean remaining at the scene and missing my class. I couldn't afford that with a class as detailed as history.

My odd day only turned bad after passing the tree cutting crew only to find the last stretch of road before 11W was closed with no detour but to go back the way I came and double back at the T-junction. I cursed a little, but went. Besides, I was worried about the guy. With my area, I didn't doubt he deserved to go to jail (there are alot of drug addicts and shop thieves around here), but he didn't deserve to get hit like that. That was freakin' scary!

When I got back the way I had come the guy was gone. There were fresh skidmarks going off the road and into the yard from the opposite direction, but he and his crazy wife with their child were gone. I was worried, but I would be superhuman if I claimed that I wasn't relieved as well. It's difficult when you get involved with other problems, especially when they're that big.

I hope things go well for him, and he takes his lesson not to land in jail again. Next time after he gets out his wife may not be so lineiant and hit to kill, not to maim.

I know who I would tell that I love, but he already knows. What he doesn't know is how deeply I feel. However, after I told him, I would have to tell her that I'm sorry.

The PT's food is Sole Sushi
A single AM2 on the little monster
An Astral Ring from the [coffer]
A potential ace behind by a glowing party flag

A drop from [sky]
A quest item finally came
A Fomor's subligar in the Aqueducts

It finally came. It finally came! After waiting so long, It finally came!

Yattodeta-Man Boogie Woogie Ready~♪ (he's holding a papyrus)

A heatwave after all the rain
From his nest in the domain crawls Behemoth-chan
A sound from behind, it's a Fuidama ([Sneak Attack] + [Trick Attack])
From the egg is a [chocobo]
Cat President has the god's wrath
Shiny gold Raillefal finally came
The future as read by the mystic

It finally came. It finally came! After waiting so long, It finally came!

Yattodeta-Man Boogie Woogie Ready~♪

The old man's cap
The seedlings that've been growing are finally done
Karababa can go off anytime when she's mad

It finally came. It finally came! After waiting so long, It finally came!

Yattodeta-Man Boogie Woogie Ready~♪

Yattodeta-Man~~~~♪♫</i>

TEXT: "Moldy drop alreadyyyyyy!!" (he's holding [Thunder] III)

Enjoy the share~ ^_^

Some of the best things in life are the ones that always come back to you no matter how far away you walk from them. It is all the sweeter when upon that reunion those things greet you with open arms, wide smiles, and fond, so very fond, memories. It serves as a reminder that no matter where you go in life that there will be people who remember you.

After so many times of running into old friends and realizing I had been completely forgotten, I was shocked when, after over two years, I reunited with the Holy Box Linkshell guild within Final Fantasy XI - the very first grand social guild/linkshell I joined. Not only that, but finding my old friends still there was an even greater gift. The greatest gift of all though, were all of the memories that we shared together.

Vihehe the Tarutaru Beast Master is still the unofficial leader, but she's grown sassier with questioning Rishi's intellegence, and the banter between the two of them is enjoyable and always leaves me laughing. Rishi, of course, is still around. There's no way I could imagine Vana'diel without his wit. He has a Maat's Cap now, but that doen't mean he's lost his joy in helping others. Beastboy/Juwin is back as well, and as I continue talking with him I am remembering more and more of the fun times we shared in Yutanga Jungle and /whispering while waiting for our respected parties back in the day when soloing in Final Fantasy XI was near impossible. I've been told that Millerna and Marrel still play, but I haven't seen those two yet. I look forward to talking to them. Also, the best part of all, too, is that Krotoan, the actual Linkshell holder is back. I haven't seen him for myself, but I can't wait to talk with the Darkness Cookie again. I missed him from the first time I realized that he had to quit to work the second job. There are new faces, too, of course, and though I'm shy about it after my bad experieneces with WoW and people forgetting those that are supposed to be their friends, I am trying to talk to them and get to know them.

I know these people that I've just talked about probably mean little to most of those reading this entry, but to me they mean more than anything. They knew me back when I was timid, nieve, and could only see the pretty parts of the world and the ugliness of humanity. They helped me grow a back bone, learn to voice what I wanted, how to interact with people when for all my life I had been taught that all people would do is use you. They made me into what I am today, and for that I am eternally thankful as well as full of regret for even considering leaving their side, even if it is only their digitally projected image inside of a MMO. In the long run perhaps it was a good thing. I was able to take what they taught me and apply it to more than just game interaction, learning to voice what I want from my bosses, how to talk to people with confidence, how to banter and take bantering, and many things that before and when I first met them I hadn't been able to do. My mother didn't prepare me very well for living in a world full of people in the midst of the Communication Age. Sad to say, though I am glad of it, it was those from other parts of the world that met me in a video game that taught me that.

I am happy to be back in Vana'diel. My friends, my mentors, my companions, and my best friends who helped me become the, while still a little shy, more confident person I am today are worth the hours invested and the hours I plan to invest. We'll go together, whether in real world, in thoughts, or in a game, and be friends forever, because we still are, even after seven years. No 'real life friend' has done for me what they have: giving me what I needed and helped me grow from a hyper but untrusting girl into a sassy but mannerly young woman. Though when we enjoy each others company in a restraunt or a shop or a meadow or forest it will have to be inside of a digital one, they are more real to me than many old friends from the 'real' side of my life.

Thank you, Holy Box Linkshell.

As many may know, and as few may now just learn, I own quite a few pets, partially curtesy of my sister who has an almost puppy-syndrom of wanting to try out owning different pets, and when they don't work out sends them to me. I typically don't mind, though my resources for caring for them have been stretched so thin it is actually causing me undue stress. It doesn't help that my rotwieler mix, Tobias, has taken an unkind liking to my shelty-mix, Dairgoro.

In other words, they are constantly fighting to the point that I've had to doctor up Daigoro with the bit of vet knowledge I've gleaned from years of exposure to caring for animals. Daigoro is smaller, so when he growls to tell Tobias to stay away, and Tobias challenges that with snarls, and then the fight develops, its easy to see who will win. Let's see... 34lb. dog VS. 52lb. dog. My money is on the 52lb. dog.

The worst fight between them happened just a few days ago. It was so bad, so violent, and with me unable to pull them appart and getting bit on the hand, knee, and pulling my wrist trying to live Tobias off of Dairgoro, I was overcome with this utter sense of hopelessness. I have been through alot in my life. Not as much as some, but enough that I believe I have seen some of the not so pretty parts of humanity, be it personally or  through experiences I had helped my friends through. However, never before did I feel that there was absolutly nothing I could do. That empty feeling made the ground seem to open up under my feet and all of a sudden I found myself on my knees a short distance from where my dogs were fighting, sobbing so hard you would have thought my grandmother had died all over again. I thought I had to sit and watch one of my dogs kill the other, and that there was nothing I could do at all, no matter how hard I tried. My mother even tried throwing dishes at them, water, yelling, screaming, and Tobias wouldn't let go of Daigoro.

Daigoro did survive though, but things haven't been the same around here, as I have mentioned. The good news though, is that I think I found the solution to the problem. In multi-dog households one dog has to be on top, or just below the human leader as the beta male/female. The other dogs have their pecking order under that, but musrt accpet that one dog is above the others. Don't go getting liberal though. This is animal psychology, not human. It can't be helped that they can't retain the so-called balanced relationship (that's why divorce rates are so high *cough*). Another thing is dogs hate change. They like their meals at a certain time, their walks at a certain time, their training at a certain time. You give them a schedual, they won't be like a human and get bored with it. They will love it and look forward to the time each even takes place. The thing is, if meals are made speratic and at various times they will challenge each other for food, if walks are random, they will fight over who gets the leash first, if training only happens so often then they get over excited and often mess up, making the session stressful for both owner and dog.

Why did I go into all this even though most of my friends here aren't dog owners? Because with me working more closing shifts, I'm hope later, sleep in later. I have to trust my mother to feed my dogs.

....

Ah, here is our problem. You see, my mother has a laptop and loves it. To put it simply, my time long ago as a FFXI addict is being repeated by her with her obsession with the games that came on the computer. She will get so into them that she looses track of what time it is, what she needs to do. I've even woken up the next day to find her STILL on the computer playing a game at around 7AM. So while I've been away, my dogs weren't fed at their usual times nor let out, thus why I've been cleaning up so many accedents lately. I'm starting to doubt that all of them were Sasha. She's like a dumb blonde, but she's not THAT dumb. Then with me waking up later and speratically depending on if I closed at work the day before or not their breakfast and run time is bouncy. So the resources that before they had accepted to always be there are suddenly not there. So, in their minds, when the resources are possible to appear (close to a possible dinner/run/training time) they fight to decide who will go first.

Like I said, I did some reading, and I think I found a solution with this post on a random blog I stumbled upon while looking for an answer to my plight. I'm going to try it, and hope for the best. I have stressed the need for my mother to follow the schedual I set up, but I won't hold my breath. She has disappointed me time and again when I have needed her the most or trusted her the most firmly. However, hoping that she will listen to my requests about my dogs is all I have, since she's the only one I can count on to at least try to follow the schedual.

Wish me luck...

Another day, and another adventure into the lands of fandom and I have found another milestone that just makes me want to pick up my keyboard and ram it against the head of select authers. Several times. Then make them buy me a new one so I can do it again. It seems I have quite a few squicks when it comes to fanfiction. Perhaps it's my desire to be a writer combined with my literature studies in college that makes me so critical. It seems the bigger the fandom the harder it is to find those beautiful gems of glorious fanstory. As for the smaller ones, the treasures abound and feed the beast that desires more than the original creators can give.

Self-Insert characters, or Mary-Sues as we fanfiction writers have nicknamed them, are typically frowned upon in the fanfiction side of a fandom. They are usually too good, too perfect, react unrealistically, and have some kind of special power or ability that makes them unique when compared to other people be it ranging from medium to major (very rarely minor).

Oh wait. Now that I think of it... Too good as in morals: no texting, hanging with bad friends, etc.... Too perfect: decent grades, gets along with parents, only fights with them to accomplish some grand scheme... Reacts unrealistically: wasn't afraid of the vampire dude... Have some kind of special power or ability: Edward couldn't read her thoughts... Wow. That sounds just like Bella Swan! How interesting.

*cough* Anyway, to be extra thorough there is a slight difference between a pure self-insert and a pure Mary Sue even though they share many traits typically in fanfiction. Pure self-inserts have a unique power and are key players in the storyline, but they will often take on the faults of their creators since they are the avatar of the writer placed inthe world of the story where they originally did not exist. They aren't perfect, and when well writen can turn into Original Characters, or created characters with their own personality and not the reflection of their creators. A Mary Sue though... like I said, has everything perfect, is a key figure in the story, falls in love with the main hero of the fanfiction... pretty much all the good stuff that could happen to any of the characters always happens to the Mary Sue.

So, once again, as I often like to say, there is a reason behind the madness of my ranting. Another dive into the fanfiction archies and along side the yaoi fiasco is lots and lots and lots and lots of stories with what at first appear to be Original Characters but are actually Mary Sue's in disguise. You sit down, start reading thinking 'okay, let's give this a chance' and typically the story starts off with a multiparagraph description of a character. It is one thing to describe the character, but another to go into their whole back story before the tale even begins. Doing so shows how weak the character is, stating without saying so that the character wouldn't be able to endure the trail of finding their past, sharing it, and so on. They also tend to take on traits outside of the basic laws of the fandom, such as having demon pets in a sci-fi setting or contacts in a setting of the 1800s.

This is just another thing that makes me want to write fanfiction again. I'm having trouble though since it's alot harder than writing about your own characters. With your own storyline and characters you already know their personalities, their reactions, their relationships with the other characters, and so on. With fanfiction, GOOD fanfiction, you have to step into another author's head and try to imitate the character's personality and likes while placing them in your own story without them turning into OOCs (Out Of Characters [they don't act in your story like they did in the series]) or morphing into twisted Self-Inserts or Mary-Sues (the author imposing their personality and desires on the already set character can morph it without actually making a true Mary or Self). So far I've faile at writing animé fanfiction. I'm pretty good at game fanfiction mostly because when you play the game you feel for the character you play and emathyz with their sitations more readily since it was you that got them into it (my opinion towards my fanficiton writing on this). As for animé I feel more like a passenger in the adventure than someone watching through the eyes of a character and sharing their emotions.

But damn! If I don't get some good fanfiction soon I'm going to go freaking insane! If someone will pass me a Mary-Sue zapper and a bad Yaoi de-pecker I would greatly appriciate it at this point. I'm wading through sewage over here in fanfiction.net!

Of course, my views are based only on what I've learned from fanfiction. I didn't refer to anything for my definitions and meanings, so if something is off in 'net terms, be kind. *smiles*

Like most other American-style otaku, (AKA not the smelly super nerdy unhygenic type that Japanese associate the word with, but instead the fairly geeky type with good hygene that suffer the problem of  watching WAY too much animé, reading manga, and listening to a ton of J-pop) I enjoy my own little share of fanfiction every once in a while to subsidize my cravings between episodes of various series. Finding good fanfiction to fill in the time between the next issue of Jump, Beat, Yen+, an anime, and or a manga volume is another task unto itself that's almost as difficult as locating rare anime. It's even harder when yaoi prevails a select fandom like aphids on an untreated rose bush (I had that problem just a short while ago before all this freaking rain).

Please don't get it wrong and think that I'm a homophobe or hate yaoi. I enjoy it in its selected doses and if the story is well writen such as the tales that are archived into meimi collection. It is when it is badly constructed, the characters go out of character to the extreme, and the plot utterly twisted in whole new ways that I don't like it. Good yaoi takes a character's present personality and presents them with the situation to fall in love with another character of the same gender without completely skewing them into something else. Bad yaoi just takes a characters looks, maybe a single tiny aspect of their personality, add water, watch it grow, and add some crumby romantic phrases worse than something from a $4 Harlequin romance novel and you have your bad yaoi.

With the end of D.Gray-Man Japanese anime, the next part of season one in Enlish not due out until later July, and the manga on haitus again with Hoshino-sempai ill, I have been trying to fill my craving for more Exorcist epic battle and friendship bonding action with fanfiction.

I guess you can tell from the way I ranted about yaoi that it isn't going so very good.

Everywhere I go it's Yullen, Lucky, AllenxLavi, TyikixAllen, hell, there's even a few KroryxSkinn (PLEASE let those die a horrible death)! Like I said, I like my yaoi in small doses, but I can go down a whole page on fanfiction.net and only find maybe two stories that don't have Allen or one of the other guy characters getting with another guy. This is one of those classic sitations where it is possible to have too much of a good thing, especially when that good thing is prepared and presented badly. And let's not forget the fanfictions that try to make Allen into a girl. At first I found these entertaining, but after a long time of finding nearly nothing but them and the yaoi of various verieties I'm almost at the end of my thread.

In a situation like this, I often take matters into my own hands. If I cannot find the story I want to read, I write my own. My biggest problem is that I haven't writen fanfiction in so long, and I have one complete epic that will probably never be finished just sitting there on my fanfic.net account. Even now that I'm out of school and working on a book outline I almost feel I need to get some good fiction into that archive before I go bonkers (Stop describing Allen with slim hips and tiny frame! Yes, he's short, but he's muscular! OOC on character deminsions, you dummies! -end mental rant). So I guess Pleasure Garden will be going on hold so I can get something that isn't yaoi or fem Allen or Allen swirtching to the bad side without proper cause or Allen dying into that archive, for my own sanity if not that of the fans.

I must say, I got lucky and ended up with one of the coolest math teachers in the entire world. Post finale I was checking my grades out to see if the average had been posted, which it hadn't, but there was something that I did notice. I was missing three take home quizes. Confused at this, I dug through my math folder and low and behold! There in the front pocket behind three pages of notes, a scrap sheet, and some rainbow colored table that I can't remember went with which class (I think it was Fantasy Lit.) were the quizes. Though this is my second semester in college, I still have a baaad habit of not checking teacher e-mail nor the lesson plan for each class very often. This is how I learned the hard way that if you are late turning something in, Professor Jones isn't going to strain his brain trying to remember to remind you. He's there to teach, gets his paycheck, and though he does well at it this is still a job for him.

However, I know he's a nice guy. He's always been funny and carefully explained everything so that it was easily understandable. He would even hold the class over and talk with students after the lecture ended to help them understand things and made copies of other professor's notes to give the class. So I e-mailed him and asked something that most teachers would laugh off: I asked him if I could turn in the quizes I found in my folder on Thursday when I would be back on the campus.

I was surprised when I saw the reply: that I could leave them in his mailbox and he would grade them and calculate them into my final score for me. So after I finished my English final (which tooki extra because mid-exam the printer broke XD) I dropped it off.

I also ran into K.T. Bob while waiting for the time of my English final and we got to chat one last time. She's transfering to ETSU for the fall semester. My sister is going there too, and since we all had good conversation while waiting I told sis to watch for her at the campus so that she would have someone she knew. It will be nice to call K.T. for more than Spanish study. Anyway, the conversation is now getting a bit speratic, so until next time, toodles, peeps!

The last final is tomorrow and I'm working to wrap out the last of the work. I'll know this time next week exactly what my final grade was (or should). I know I failed the Spanish but I've still got high hopes for the other classes, especially Composition II. Fantasy Lit. though I did well, I didn't get the research paper in because of my old computer getting hacked, virus infected, and damaged beyond runable repair. I'm hoping for at least a C out of it as well as Math. This semester I slacked alot. I was under alot of pressure to do things other than school work and I gave into that pressure. My grades show it. I can only hope I can make it up the following semester.

Off of the school topic, before my computer died I was working on an English version of Synchronicity by Yuuki Kajiura. The basic video is almost done but I need to play around with the recording software that came with this computer to see how well I can get it to work. I've also been writing again now that school is almost over and I have the time to, but that's offtopic and not particularly interesting.

Today I discovered another version of Synchronicity that is alot darker and for some reason I really like it. I miss the backvocal ending and opening, but the new version performed by FictionJunctionKEIKO made up for it with power. Yui Makino has a beautiful voice, but there is something alluring about a deep emotional voice of a woman when compared to a high voice. Perhaps it is because I am envious since I'm a suprano. Feel free to take a look at the two versions that I posted below (I couldn't find a good music video but I hope that this will at least give you an idea of the song):

Anyone with a new toy wants to take it out and push it to its limit to see what it can do. It's human nature to be curious about something, especially if its yours and you're excited about it but people proclaim to you over and over that you waisted your money. So, since I've actually been contemplating going back to FFXI (God I'm a glutton for punishment), I downloaded the Benchmark test for my computer just to see how much better it is compared to my old granddaddy Dinosaur (may it rest in peace).

To give you an idea of just what kind of rating I ended up with, here are the scores that a computer can savor:

Cannot Run-999 = Too Weak -> It will not run it even if you kick it in the kneecap.
1000-1499 = Easy Prey -> It will work, but you have to make it fugly to even log on.
1500-1499 = Decent Challenge -> Gotta turn off alot of pretties, but it won't be uber fugly.
2000-2499 = Even Match -> Default settings for the win!
2500-2999 = Tough -> Default with some increased resolution goodiness!
3000-3999 = Very Tough -> Default with the ability to even go into high resolution. dun Dun DUN!
4000-6999 = Incredibly Tough -> Take your pick: high resolution bonus or BMP mapping~♪
7000 or above = Impossible to Gauge -> Your computer is Kira, the God of the New World!!!!

To give you an idea of what is going through my mind, my old Dinosaur (that name will probably remain trapped forever on my second computer now) got the score of Tough on Low Resolution and somewhere in the 700s for Too Weak. How I remember that score I do not know. Wait. Maybe I do, since I was disappointed that I had spent so much on it to only find that the thing I had bought it to do worked like crudola.

So... after that kind of disapointment in my past... let's just say... in a very guyish word... that after I did the test on this computer...

I'm...

STOKED!
4720 - High Resolution
7156 - Low Resolution

BWAHAHAHA! I am Kira! The savior of Final Fantasy XI! MEWHEWHEWHEWHE-*coughgagwheeze* X_X *clears throat* So... *looks around embarassed about her outburst* hmm....

Do I really want to go back or not? o.oa That is still the big question for now. Sure the scores are better than I had hoped for a $850 computer I bought on emergency since the other died before finals and I needed Internet access but didn't want to buy some crappy computer if I needed a new one (WHEEE! Run-on scentence). But until the question of facing FFXI again gets answered, you are stuck waiting for another entry from yours truly. So until then... Toodles! Now where did I put that book...? *goes hunting for the book she lost... again... /blush*

Basic Summary
Allen Walker was born an Exorcist, possessing a weapon embeded in his left hand that can purify the tainted souls of Akuma. Joining the Black Order, and organization that protects the world from these monstrosities and searches for the Innocence that can battle them, he embraces his fate with the help of his friends. Their ultimate goal is to stop the one called the Millinium Earl, The Maker of Akuma, and prevent the tragedies that follow the birth of the Earl's creations.

Total Opinion: 4.6 / 5
Japanese Cast: ☼☼☼☼☼ (4.8)
English Cast: ☼☼☼☼• (4 [still airing. subject to change])
Animation: ☼☼☼☼• (4.35)
Story: ☼☼☼☼☼ (4.8)
Story Conclusion: ☼☼☼•• (3)
Music: ☼☼☼☼☼ (5)
Suggestable for Other's to View? - YES

Review Finalé (will contain a few minor spoilers)
Typically, there is a battle within me when I watch a manga that has been adapted into an animé since many times parts in the manga are changed or key moments left out. However, this was not the case for D.Gray-Man. The animators and script writers for the animé adaptation took what the auther originally created and expanded it, filling in holes and giving reason to some events that jumped into existence in the original story. The tale of Allen's Innocence taking its new form is more in depth, the journey to China more drawn out, and Bookman is a more likeable character than he was in his original manga carnation. The fillers aren't just extra side story, but expansions of the original story to add more depth and more sympathy towards the characters as the plot continues to develope and evolve.

Some beefs I do have is that the animation makes bad use of the action line style (where the background behind the character is rendered into a color collage to symbolize action or energy). While most of the time well executed, there are enough instances where it is a bit off to make the animation not quite as artistic as one would expect. Also the English dub has alot of alterations to the original lines. Typically translators stay close to the Japanese version, but sadly D.Gray-Man has several instances when the script writer completely changed the original line the character said. On top of that, the directors guided the voice actors to use some odd inflictions on certain parts. For example, in Episode 2 when Reever instructs Allen to take a physical exam from the Gatekeeper he sounds like he's speaking to Kamui but is actually talking to Allen. The pluses of the English version are that all the voice actors still did a good job despite some lines being skewed, and it was nice to hear Allen speak with a young boy voice instead of the female trying to sound like a boy.

The musical score was completely enjoyable. Unlike some soundtracks where I will often hunt through for my most liked songs all of the songs in D.Gray-Man were composed well enough to savor. The song "Musician" from the OST 2 placed in the top 100 animé themes of 2008 on YouTube.

The biggest mark against this series is that it doesn't end, but just comes to a conclusion. The directors said that they are putting the animé on hold until more manga material is made available so that they don't have to resort to fillers, but the same was said about Inu-Yasha, and that manga series is not concluded with no plans as of yet to pick up the animation. Despite that though, it is a good enough series that I would suggest it to others happily. I can only hope that as time goes by the English version shows improvments in the script writing/translation.

Musician